Even though I know what it's like from the other side. I think that when you are so exposed, you can't help but wonder what this person thinks about you.
When I would leave and I would see somebody else in the waiting room, I'd think, "Does he look forward to her sessions more than mine?" Almost like. I think people want to be liked by their therapists. I think what they discover in therapy is that the truth of who they are is what draws people to them. But he had to do it very skillfully, because otherwise I would reject them or become even more defensive. And I think what Wendell (the therapist that I go to see) did for me was he delivered those truth bombs. And wise compassion is where you really hold up the mirror to them, in a compassionate way, but you also deliver a very important truth bomb. I talk in the book about the difference between idiot compassion and wise compassion, and idiot compassion is where you want to make somebody feel better, and so you don't necessarily tell them the truth. He's a sociopath." And that's what your friends will do for you, but it's not very helpful. They come because they want the therapist to take their side and say, "You're right. I think that a lot of people come to therapy for validation. On "idiot compassion" versus "wise compassion" I have a roof over my head, and I have a family" and whatever you might have. We think, "Well, yeah, I've been sad for two months, but it's not that big of a deal because I have all these other great things in my life. I think that often we minimize our problems. Shots - Health News School-Based Counselors Help Kids Cope With Fallout From Drug Addiction
I don't think there's a hierarchy of pain. You know, "It was a breakup, not a divorce." It's kind of like people who have a miscarriage but they didn't lose a child who was 8 years old. On her belief that there's no hierarchy of painĪs a therapist in therapy, I feel like often we minimize our problems. I'm here because of something in my marriage or something with my child or with my job." But what's the music under that? What is what got you into this situation in the first place? Is there some pattern or struggle that led you to this place? And that's what's really going to help them not only get over the thing that they came in for, but help them just relate better in the world. So the lyrics might be "I'm here because of a breakup. I think that so many times what we're listening to is the music under the lyrics. I'm here because of something in my marriage or something with my child or with my job." But what's the music under that? The lyrics might be "I'm here because of a breakup.
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